Take off that bonnet and look girl. The demon you’re fighting is coming from inside the house.
The emptiest truck makes the loudest noise. I still remember the day one of my uncles told me that; a word of advice that has served me well in the years since. Basically what he said in midwestern dad sage is the people who often boast the loudest are usually the biggest hypocrites trying to hide their own shallow intelligence. This same uncle was also someone who was often unfaithful to his past four wives and probably will be to his upcoming fifth wife… that’s younger than me. Uncle 5–0 is who I thought of the last time I went to Twitter in search of a Derrick Jaxn video. The same insecurity I saw in my uncle I saw in Jaxn. A guy who wanted you to do as he said, and not as he did. I quickly lost interest in the muscled, dark chocolate skin, low calm caressing-toned voice car videos after that.
So I was less than surprised yesterday when that same caressing-toned voice went viral trying to justify his indiscretions of the past. Nine years of making videos in his car on being faithful and the whole time he was in the car on his way to step out on his wife. Or….maybe? Was that even Derrick Jaxn? Because the man in the video who appeared to be Derrick Jaxn in his most recent video couldn’t take responsibility for Derrick Jaxn’s actions. The Derrick Jaxn who appeared in the Derrick Jaxn affair video kept talking about Derrick Jaxn as if Derrick Jaxn was another person. Another cheating sinful third-person Derrick Jaxn. A person who’s trying to “take responsibility” by talking about themselves in the third person is never a sign that a lesson has been learned.
“ Had a sexual relationship without actually having sex.”
“I could’ve let ole girl down easy but that wasn’t biblical.”
“My wife wasn’t meeting my needs.”
Is this your king?! Is this the guy that thousands of women, non-binary people, and femmes post daily for his words of dating and relationship wisdom? I must’ve been hella naive and extremely sex-deprived to ever believe a word that came out of this man’s mouth.
And before I go on, let me just say I’m never beauty-shaming a woman in a bonnet and a wrinkled top. It’s not the bonnet, but the zero-giving of fucks Da’Naia clearly has for making this huge apology video that her husband is obviously making to save his brand. Da’Naia got up that morning, sat down on that couch with no makeup, didn’t bother to do her hair, a resting bitch face, and could barely hold a smile for more than two seconds. In a moment where one might want to show their best self and to show that they are a strong beautiful unit, I see nothing but. Her eyes seemed vacant and the energy was numb with a ting of anger. One could take that to signify not only her willingness to support her husband throughout this scandal but her underlying want to stay in her marriage or lack thereof.
Cringely, I stopped and started and watched, then stopped and started the video again. This poor effort ain’t fooling NOBODY. They not only have been going through the mess but are still going through it.
What hurt me about this wasn’t Derrick Jaxn’s lack of accountability but Da’Naia’s lack of love for herself. I know what you’re thinking, and no I’m not about to shame a woman for the actions of her man. Ain’t nobody to blame for the affairs of Derrick Jaxn but the third person of Derrick Jaxn. But I can see how Da’Naia’s actions and thoughts lead to this moment. Women without a sense of self or worth are easy to manipulate. That’s not from some book or Twitter thread but personal experience. Da’Naia is a broken woman without self-worth and her husband knows this which is why he’s able to live the life he does and sleep with the women he’s slept with throughout the course of their relationship.
It’s sad to see D’Naia in her own words uplift her husband and demean herself. For things she couldn’t control like being a survivor of rape or not having the darker Black skin that she craves. Your husband cheats on you for over a decade and you go on a rant pointing out every “flaw”. Studying the videos and pictures of his mistresses; telling yourself that because you don’t bust, arch your back, or cum as she does that you deserve the level of desire you receive from your husband.
I say this to Da’Naia and every person that needs to hear this. Being raped does not mean that you are trash. Being raped does not mean that you are not beautiful. Being raped doesn’t mean that you are damaged goods. Your beauty is not dependent on what your partner does or doesn’t do, how often he cheats or how many days he comes home for dinner on time. That’s not something that needs to be cleansed from the body because there’s nothing wrong or dirty about your body. And if your partner doesn’t know that, all of the burning bushes in Jerusalem aren’t going to give you the love that you seek which you first need to find in yourself. Bonnet be damned.
Jaxn didn’t push his wife in front of the camera to tell her how beautiful she is or to thank her for being the mother of his children. He showed more respect in his attack of John Gray than he did for that woman. You go to her social media pages and you see years of vacations, children, and what appears to be marital bliss. Most of his loyal viewership didn’t even know the name of the woman he’s been in a relationship with for more than twelve years until a few weeks ago. So why now? To sell some “Black Men Cheat…Sometimes” shirts?
If Derrick Jaxn needs to make a video to mansplain his way out of an extramarital affair, why Derrick Jaxn’s wife have to suffer through it? Not only is Da’Naia following in the footsteps of so many wives of celebrity men who have come before her, but now she has to save this man who dragged her into this video to save his bank account. It’s not her mess it’s his. He cheated while she was pregnant. He brought other women into their marriage and their marriage bed. He lied to everyone including himself. Jaxn should be in that video by himself taking all of that blame and hurt.
AND WHY IS HE STILL TRYING TO SELL HIS RELATIONSHIP BOOK?! So we can learn to have extramarital affairs without condoms or protection as he did?
Relationship Gurus are a scam.
Do as Jordan Peele taught us and GET OUT Da’Naia.